This is meant to be interactive, so please chime in with your thoughts. I hope this icebreaker will help my 700 subscribers to get to know each other in a fun way.
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Why do American men hide behind a towel in the locker room while changing out of underwear and swimsuits? What are they afraid of?
Since this behavior appears to be location-specific, please start your response with your location in all CAPS, followed by your answer. Have fun!
Example: LOS ANGELES, CA - They do it because they think the penis is something to be ashamed of.
I believe they hide because 1. Modesty 2. Fear of inadequacy 3. Being objectified by gay men. Given that those three are not all inclusive. However, I think I am in a bubble where I live. I live and go to the gym in Monterey Park. Everyone drops their towel to change and consistent with culture most of the asian men walk around nude everywhere in the locker room. In my high school gym locker room in a predominantly Mexican community, there was a lot of towel ballet going on it was funny to watch friends skipping on one foot trying to get their underwear on while holding onto the towel. There were no benches between the lockers. That I believe was more from body shaming then being "gay". Most guys I knew in High School were always talking about how big their dicks were and no one ever saw. At least not me, lol. My answer is not straight forward but neither is my experience with nudity in locker rooms. It depends on age, location and the predominant culture in that location.
I think you summed it up perfectly, Alvaro. "It depends on age, location and the predominant culture in that location." That's exactly what going on!
It begs the question, "How do we change the culture of body/penis shame where it exists?" I wonder what makes the culture of Asian men you talked about and the German men I saw in Germany completely comfortable being naked in a locker room wearing their towel over their shoulder.
In Japan they have the Onsens. Men go there because of the communal aspect of it and go to relax and bath together all while having conversations about family, business and friends. My experience in Switzerland at one of the spas was the same. The changing rooms were coed and children were present. How do we make American men not feel shame when they are nude? It starts at home. American family's have been teaching the fear of pedofiles(understandably). Also some families' are teaching their children that nudity brings upon them "deviants." Deviant's according to this family's current values , ok. However, these children become adults, no one tells them that when they become adults some of this "deviancy" may be fun and is totally up to them if they want to participate when they're adults. Those family's get to do that but it makes for a lot of dysfunction as those children get older and start to want those things that were always taught to be bad. So then the men that grow up "straight" think that they have to hide themselves because otherwise they are inviting unwanted advances or reticule. This is the start of where some of this underwear/towel ballet comes from. This country lives in fear of the worst. So we create a culture that mitigates those fears. Related to ridicule: Boys dont shower together in Junior or HS anymore. They never see what a "normal" penis looks like as they grow up. They only see the massive penis's we all see in porn. I love me some "Belami" and "Quieres Leche" men, lol!! I grew up in the early 70's and 80's and if I didn't have the experience of showering with boys my age, I would definitely feel some shame, if all I knew about the size of a male penis came from the videos I saw of John Holmes and company :/ So I guess we have to fight the Ron DeSanctimonios's of this country and keep them from hiding books and sex education from young men and children. Hiding sexualty from children only makes them more curious and in my opinion creates the dysfunction and shame we see in American men and society today. We definitely need to bring back physical education to schools and the gyms and showers that come with it. Let the boys see. I believe that it would even create a better bond among all males if we see each other nude in the showers but that is a whole other subject. Love you Mike!
Manhattan, NYC - This topic is an enigma. Most of my primary schooling was in the 1990s in Florida. I remember having showers in the locker room and that changing clothes was required. But showering was not. What was strange to me was that the architecture and facilities were present for showering, but so out of use, that mops and buckets were stored there such that we really couldn't take a shower if we wanted to. There were practical aspects--no towels provided and I didn't think to bring one. My theory is that showering and meals at school were part of a progressive effort, just like public school itself, to care for children of families without financial means. And cheap housing in Florida, or perhaps anti-progressive ideology, negated the cause. I'm sure there's much more to it than just this bit.
Over the last 50 years since I started going swimming alone, it's changed dramatically.
One of the things that made me a naturist was the fact that nobody cared about their nudity in the pool male changing room, swimming trunks might have been under trousers or shorts on arrival, but when you got out of the pool they were off, most people washed the chlorine off in the communal showers, and then dried themselves before dressing.
Now I find that it's mostly men over 50 who do that, between 20 and 50 will shower in trunks, and under 20's will scoot into a cubicle to dry and dress without showering.
My reasoning?
Nudity in such situations became suspicious, you were an exhibitionist, or looking for a sexual encounter. Simple nudity became "wrong".
Thanks for the comment. This is really interesting.
I've also noticed a generational gap. It seems the younger a guy is, the more likely he is to be afraid of nudity and sex. Which, of course, are two different things. Maybe the younger guys don't know the difference between being naked and the act of sex.
Inside jr/sr high school lockers in gym where a de rigueur code was to hide my land-down-under because seeing other nude boys gave me a hard on, I was afraid I’d be harassed. The fear of being the other or outsider kept me and my boner fully Victorian in gym dressing rooms well into my 30s. Then, something great occurred. I attended Body Electric classes in Oakland, CA. From then on until now 35 years later, I drop my drawers even when entering a locker room. I never dress if staying home.
Why do other men cover? Probably for similar reasons, either they are afraid of being known for who they are or they’re jealous that we queers are thrilled with sex and they believe they have lost their ability to feel sensual delight without shame and cover ups.
NEW ORLEANS, LA - While I live here now, I grew up in the Los Angeles area - Part of it is that the US is generally very puritanical in thinking about our bodies and sex. We are taught that we should always hide our "private parts" and that nudity is bad and sinful. As well, depending on the location, it could be thought that being naked around younger people is an effort to seduce them. Some of it came from going to the beach and changing with a towel wrapped around in the open, transferring to locker rooms, and more. It goes along with why there are so few darkrooms in US bars vs, say, the EU. Why are there not more places where nudity is openly allowed be it beaches or parks
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Modesty. I noticed this earl in life too, too. Mainstream American culture is more conservative, religious, and tends to view exposure as shameful. But in indigenous spaces where I grew up in (Northern New Mexico Tewa tribal dances) male goods are often on display quite often in ceremony—that too is culture.
LOS ANGELES - I have noticed this behavior more at gyms where the majority of men are heterosexual. I think it is due to insecurity about dick size. Before I came out and started having sex with men, I just assumed my dick was average or less than average because my only point of reference was from porn. Now that I have had over 2 decade of experience seeing a wide variety of dicks in person from all races and ethnicities, I know I’m actually above average.
It’s strange to me, too. Locker room dream (fear of being seen naked while still under-developed) was something I thought all young men moved through during puberty and adolescence. As a boy at camp, in school, and whenever swimming was involved, one is constantly offered exposure to other bodies and the more one sees, the more one realizes we are all essentially the same. At that point you relax and stop hiding behind a towel, and walk confidently in nakedness, right? Besides reasons of fear, shame, and homophobia, I suppose it’s possible someone might be so proud of what they’re hiding behind the towel that they want to retain control over who sees it. But really? It would be nicer if everyone just relaxed and walked around in their altogether.
ASTORIA, NYC - to be fair, I live close enough to a gym now that I just change at home. BUT, I wonder if the prevalence of phones, cameras in everyone’s hands all the time, doesn’t play a role. I’m somewhat of an exhibitionist, so naturally, I enjoyed disrobing in front of everyone else. But guys my age (late-twenties to early-thirties) never did so. Only some of the older clientele would. But I think privacy may have a lot to do with it, at least among a generation that has never seemed to have much of it.
This wasn't always the case, and is a development of the last 20 years. Straight men are now aware that they can be objects of desire by homosexual men and also that homosexual men are going to look just like everyone else and they are at the gym.
Further, there has started to be instructions done by churches I think, how to change in the dressing room such that you can't be scoped out. Though I can't find any online sources for this.
I’m not surprised churches are doing that. When I was horny teenage boy, my church gave me a manual on how to avoid masterbation. Why does god hate sex so much? lol
I remember seeing this at the YMCA when I was a kid in Denver and found it strange. My dad was always very comfortable with nudity. When I got older and came out I was very surprised to see it among gay men, in gay spaces. After all we see more dicks than anyone. Is it a size issue because we are all convenced we should have a supercock from watching porn? Is it fear of a boner? Not sure. i love to be naked with other men, wherever it may be, but I have always felt the locker room has a special sexual charge to it.
It’s the gay guys that baffle me too. That shows how deep the larger cultural attitude (to hide sexuality) sinks into our behaviors not matter who we are.
I believe they hide because 1. Modesty 2. Fear of inadequacy 3. Being objectified by gay men. Given that those three are not all inclusive. However, I think I am in a bubble where I live. I live and go to the gym in Monterey Park. Everyone drops their towel to change and consistent with culture most of the asian men walk around nude everywhere in the locker room. In my high school gym locker room in a predominantly Mexican community, there was a lot of towel ballet going on it was funny to watch friends skipping on one foot trying to get their underwear on while holding onto the towel. There were no benches between the lockers. That I believe was more from body shaming then being "gay". Most guys I knew in High School were always talking about how big their dicks were and no one ever saw. At least not me, lol. My answer is not straight forward but neither is my experience with nudity in locker rooms. It depends on age, location and the predominant culture in that location.
I think you summed it up perfectly, Alvaro. "It depends on age, location and the predominant culture in that location." That's exactly what going on!
It begs the question, "How do we change the culture of body/penis shame where it exists?" I wonder what makes the culture of Asian men you talked about and the German men I saw in Germany completely comfortable being naked in a locker room wearing their towel over their shoulder.
In Japan they have the Onsens. Men go there because of the communal aspect of it and go to relax and bath together all while having conversations about family, business and friends. My experience in Switzerland at one of the spas was the same. The changing rooms were coed and children were present. How do we make American men not feel shame when they are nude? It starts at home. American family's have been teaching the fear of pedofiles(understandably). Also some families' are teaching their children that nudity brings upon them "deviants." Deviant's according to this family's current values , ok. However, these children become adults, no one tells them that when they become adults some of this "deviancy" may be fun and is totally up to them if they want to participate when they're adults. Those family's get to do that but it makes for a lot of dysfunction as those children get older and start to want those things that were always taught to be bad. So then the men that grow up "straight" think that they have to hide themselves because otherwise they are inviting unwanted advances or reticule. This is the start of where some of this underwear/towel ballet comes from. This country lives in fear of the worst. So we create a culture that mitigates those fears. Related to ridicule: Boys dont shower together in Junior or HS anymore. They never see what a "normal" penis looks like as they grow up. They only see the massive penis's we all see in porn. I love me some "Belami" and "Quieres Leche" men, lol!! I grew up in the early 70's and 80's and if I didn't have the experience of showering with boys my age, I would definitely feel some shame, if all I knew about the size of a male penis came from the videos I saw of John Holmes and company :/ So I guess we have to fight the Ron DeSanctimonios's of this country and keep them from hiding books and sex education from young men and children. Hiding sexualty from children only makes them more curious and in my opinion creates the dysfunction and shame we see in American men and society today. We definitely need to bring back physical education to schools and the gyms and showers that come with it. Let the boys see. I believe that it would even create a better bond among all males if we see each other nude in the showers but that is a whole other subject. Love you Mike!
Love you Alvaro. I wholeheartedly agree.
We need to move away from fear and start celebrating natural, generative sexuality.
Manhattan, NYC - This topic is an enigma. Most of my primary schooling was in the 1990s in Florida. I remember having showers in the locker room and that changing clothes was required. But showering was not. What was strange to me was that the architecture and facilities were present for showering, but so out of use, that mops and buckets were stored there such that we really couldn't take a shower if we wanted to. There were practical aspects--no towels provided and I didn't think to bring one. My theory is that showering and meals at school were part of a progressive effort, just like public school itself, to care for children of families without financial means. And cheap housing in Florida, or perhaps anti-progressive ideology, negated the cause. I'm sure there's much more to it than just this bit.
LONDON, ENGLAND: It's not only American men.
Over the last 50 years since I started going swimming alone, it's changed dramatically.
One of the things that made me a naturist was the fact that nobody cared about their nudity in the pool male changing room, swimming trunks might have been under trousers or shorts on arrival, but when you got out of the pool they were off, most people washed the chlorine off in the communal showers, and then dried themselves before dressing.
Now I find that it's mostly men over 50 who do that, between 20 and 50 will shower in trunks, and under 20's will scoot into a cubicle to dry and dress without showering.
My reasoning?
Nudity in such situations became suspicious, you were an exhibitionist, or looking for a sexual encounter. Simple nudity became "wrong".
Thanks for the comment. This is really interesting.
I've also noticed a generational gap. It seems the younger a guy is, the more likely he is to be afraid of nudity and sex. Which, of course, are two different things. Maybe the younger guys don't know the difference between being naked and the act of sex.
Inside jr/sr high school lockers in gym where a de rigueur code was to hide my land-down-under because seeing other nude boys gave me a hard on, I was afraid I’d be harassed. The fear of being the other or outsider kept me and my boner fully Victorian in gym dressing rooms well into my 30s. Then, something great occurred. I attended Body Electric classes in Oakland, CA. From then on until now 35 years later, I drop my drawers even when entering a locker room. I never dress if staying home.
Why do other men cover? Probably for similar reasons, either they are afraid of being known for who they are or they’re jealous that we queers are thrilled with sex and they believe they have lost their ability to feel sensual delight without shame and cover ups.
NEW ORLEANS, LA - While I live here now, I grew up in the Los Angeles area - Part of it is that the US is generally very puritanical in thinking about our bodies and sex. We are taught that we should always hide our "private parts" and that nudity is bad and sinful. As well, depending on the location, it could be thought that being naked around younger people is an effort to seduce them. Some of it came from going to the beach and changing with a towel wrapped around in the open, transferring to locker rooms, and more. It goes along with why there are so few darkrooms in US bars vs, say, the EU. Why are there not more places where nudity is openly allowed be it beaches or parks
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Modesty. I noticed this earl in life too, too. Mainstream American culture is more conservative, religious, and tends to view exposure as shameful. But in indigenous spaces where I grew up in (Northern New Mexico Tewa tribal dances) male goods are often on display quite often in ceremony—that too is culture.
LOS ANGELES - I have noticed this behavior more at gyms where the majority of men are heterosexual. I think it is due to insecurity about dick size. Before I came out and started having sex with men, I just assumed my dick was average or less than average because my only point of reference was from porn. Now that I have had over 2 decade of experience seeing a wide variety of dicks in person from all races and ethnicities, I know I’m actually above average.
It’s strange to me, too. Locker room dream (fear of being seen naked while still under-developed) was something I thought all young men moved through during puberty and adolescence. As a boy at camp, in school, and whenever swimming was involved, one is constantly offered exposure to other bodies and the more one sees, the more one realizes we are all essentially the same. At that point you relax and stop hiding behind a towel, and walk confidently in nakedness, right? Besides reasons of fear, shame, and homophobia, I suppose it’s possible someone might be so proud of what they’re hiding behind the towel that they want to retain control over who sees it. But really? It would be nicer if everyone just relaxed and walked around in their altogether.
ASTORIA, NYC - to be fair, I live close enough to a gym now that I just change at home. BUT, I wonder if the prevalence of phones, cameras in everyone’s hands all the time, doesn’t play a role. I’m somewhat of an exhibitionist, so naturally, I enjoyed disrobing in front of everyone else. But guys my age (late-twenties to early-thirties) never did so. Only some of the older clientele would. But I think privacy may have a lot to do with it, at least among a generation that has never seemed to have much of it.
This wasn't always the case, and is a development of the last 20 years. Straight men are now aware that they can be objects of desire by homosexual men and also that homosexual men are going to look just like everyone else and they are at the gym.
Further, there has started to be instructions done by churches I think, how to change in the dressing room such that you can't be scoped out. Though I can't find any online sources for this.
I’m not surprised churches are doing that. When I was horny teenage boy, my church gave me a manual on how to avoid masterbation. Why does god hate sex so much? lol
I remember seeing this at the YMCA when I was a kid in Denver and found it strange. My dad was always very comfortable with nudity. When I got older and came out I was very surprised to see it among gay men, in gay spaces. After all we see more dicks than anyone. Is it a size issue because we are all convenced we should have a supercock from watching porn? Is it fear of a boner? Not sure. i love to be naked with other men, wherever it may be, but I have always felt the locker room has a special sexual charge to it.
It’s the gay guys that baffle me too. That shows how deep the larger cultural attitude (to hide sexuality) sinks into our behaviors not matter who we are.
LOS ANGLES, CA - I honestly am not sure and that's why I'm asking, but I think it's tied to generalized sex shame and homophobia.