Gay Men’s Conference Recap (London 2025)
Concepts I learned about, like gender Identity Ideology, and the gay men’s stuff I’d rather be talking about.
I recently returned from the Gay Men’s Conference held in London on Saturday, January 25, 2025, and I’m still reflecting on its impact.
THE CONFERENCE
So, who was there?
There were nearly 130 men in attendance.
Looking around the room, I’d say nearly everyone was older than 35, and at least half were 55+.
Most were from the UK, with only three men coming from Canada (1) and the United States (2).
They asked each of us to choose a lanyard color, expressing our willingness to have our photo taken: black for yes and orange for no. I looked around the room and noticed the younger guys were wearing the “no photos” lanyards.
There were security concerns. Security was on the door, and the location was kept secret until the night before the conference. No disturbances occurred.
It was held in the nave of a small, beautiful church with no pews; everyone sat around ten-top conference tables.
There were six speakers: a keynote to open the event, a keynote to close it, and four on specific topics. Each speaker was followed by a 45-minute table discussion, during which a table facilitator took notes. After the findings are compiled, a report will be released.
George, TinMen - Keynote
Helen Joyce - Speaker
Simon Fanshawe - Speaker
Az Hakeem - Speaker
Dermot Kehoe - Speaker
James Dreyfus - Closing
NEW CONCEPTS
I heard new vocabulary and terminology:
Gender Identity Ideology - Interestingly, both GLAAD and MAGA agree that gender identity ideology is a belief that a person, not biology, determines sex. In other words, a person self-identifies their sex as male or female, not biology. This conference was decidedly against said ideology, while LGBTQ+ coalitions fully embrace it.
Captured Gay - a gay man fully on board with contemporary gender identity ideology.
TERF - "trans-exclusionary radical feminist"
AGPs (autogynephilia) - heterosexual men who get turned on wearing female attire and/or presenting as female.
Lots to think about.
Am I a “captured gay?” A gay man who embraces the orthodoxy of gender identity ideology?
Maybe.
I want to support trans people.
Then I heard arguments from Helen Joyce, a proud TERF, suggesting that humans with cocks, who formerly self-identified as heterosexual men/boys, but now self-identify as lesbian women/girls, don’t belong in protected same-sex spaces like dressing rooms, locker rooms, and bathrooms because said individuals present a physical threat.
Hearing a woman describe a threat that would never affect me was compelling. I’m a bit embarrassed that I’ve never looked at it from a bio-woman’s point of view. It made me look at my male privilege and blindness to women’s safety.
I decided to ask Google if there really are documented cases of formerly male, self-identified females assaulting women or girls in formerly protected same-sex spaces. I found a few.
I’m not a journalist or researcher, just a guy with Google. But the stories are troubling, if not horrifying.
Loudoun County School Board, VA - formerly male, self-identified female assaults classmate in the girl’s locker room.
New Hall (women’s prison UK) - formerly male, self-identified female rapes female inmates
Rikers Island - formerly male, self-identified female sexually assaults female inmate.
Washington State Women’s Prison - formerly male, self-identified female sexually assaults female cellmate
Gender identity ideology says a human can self-identify as a heterosexual man one day, and then self-identify as a homosexual woman the next day, and suddenly enjoy access to all the formerly protected same-sex female spaces, including lesbian spaces, from which they were previously excluded.
It says vigina-born women need to accept the man-sized-penis-possessing presence of self-identified females.
I understand Joyce’s point.
Maybe I'm not fully captured.
But, quite frankly, I’m exhausted from talking about Trans issues all the fucking time. It’s the only thing the LGBTQ+ coalition is talking about.
I’m over it!
Can a group of gays get together and talk about something else?
Guess what?
No.
It’s pretty much all that was talked about at the Gay Men’s Conference.
And as mad as I am about it, I can see why.
Unfortunately, it’s impossible to approach the conversation of protected same-sex-attracted space—gay-men(with cocks)-only space, lesbian (with viginas)-only, space without confronting gender identity ideology’s definition of sex.
This post from The Gay Agenda captures many details of the conference I have not. It includes info on the speakers, some stats, and logistical realities of the day. Please take a look to get a better feel for the day.
Here are some photos of literature provided by allies of the Gay Men’s Conference.
GAY MEN’S ISSUES
So, what exactly do you want to talk about, Mike?
Great question. Thanks for asking.
I just want space to hang with some gay dudes, talk about stuff that affects us, and develop some joy-filled, resilience-building, life-extending relationships along the way. That’s all.
Gay men’s issues like:
Creating physical spaces for gay men to celebrate and empower each other. Fostering dignity to fuel our individual and communal existence.
Physical Health, sexual and otherwise - butt sex, prostates, boner stuff, testosterone therapy, etc.
Mental Health, addressing male suicide, resilience, and purpose
Spiritual Health, finding spirituality after escaping toxic spiritual traditions
Living a Life of Purpose & Meaning
Leveraging Sexual Encounters to Build Community
Fostering core Support Networks, relationships: friendships and dating
Navigating all the Ways To Be Gay: circuit, academic, gym, parent, monogamous, open, poly, etc.
Cruising Tips
Gay Parents vs. DINKs (Double Income, No Kids)
Dying with Dignity - how to get gay old and eventually die with dignity and flare.
Gay Power: Support other causes as a gay cohort, like women, men, lesbians, trans, and queer people.
THE BOTTOM LINE
For me, the bottom line is about fostering dignity and well-being for gay men.
Does “X policy/ideology” celebrate and empower gay men?
Yes? I’m for it.
Does “X policy/ideology” require me to give up my right to care for and freely associate with other gay men?
No? I’m gonna push back.
I am pushing back against the silence and maliciousness in the LGBTQ+ coalition towards gays and men. We are not toxic.
I’m standing firm in my dignity, creating gay space, and looking for fellow travelers who want to do the same.
Let me know if you’d like to meet up.
I'd love to explore gay men's issues as well, but I want to make it clear that I will never abandon trans, gender expansive, and nonbinary individuals. The politicians' attacks on these communities won't stop at one group; the next target could be gay men who don't conform to traditional notions of masculinity. If we're going to prioritize certain groups over others, where do we draw the line? There isn't a clear boundary because gender expression and attraction exist on spectrums. Many gay men effortlessly blend elements of both masculinity and femininity in their lives.
We all know that politicians won't stop at persecuting trans people; they'll continue to target other marginalized groups. That's why it's essential for advocacy organizations to take a comprehensive approach, supporting the entire LGBTQ+ community, not just one segment.
This is a great conversation 👏 I've been attempting as a cis gay man to become a protector/ally for our trans family members. So far, I've been pushed away (or so it seems). This is very frustrating, because I'm seen as a toxic masculine person before I've even opened my mouth or heard any dialogue.
I'm not saying that to be wary of an unknown person isn't warranted, but it seems that my visible identity is not welcome, and in fact, repulsive to anyone who gives a damn one way or the other. I'm not playing the victim card here, believe me, because while I do represent a visible/unknown threat, I also know that I have white male privilege. Even while trying to be an ally and jump in when the call goes out, I'm told to "shut up and wait your turn, you toxic man."
I'm not sure what else to do besides catch the bullets for other people. Even then, the allyship designation will only stick until the next person enters the fray.
Do I have to go to the extreme of starting a Queer Hell's Angels just to be taken serious? (In fact, a large part of the original Hell's Angels were queer too....)
Prejudice exists on both sides, and people will always judge a book by its cover. That's called being human. Without being able to know someone is an existential threat while seeing them as a literal threat is an instinct that's part of every living beings genetics. Learning to accept other people (not, "tolerate") is sometimes all that's possible. Demanding acceptance and disregarding allies is why this issue is so thorny. That's the actual biological problem when it comes to our trans brothers and sisters. Acceptance without returned prejudice is also a reality, even if it sucks.