Booking a Gay Erotic Massage

Tips on getting exactly what you want during a male-male erotic massage.

As someone who was formerly a gay masseur in the early 1990s (advertising in the print magazine Frontiers Magazine) and again in the 2020s (advertising online with Rent Masseur and Masseur Finder), here are some pro pointers to both clients and my fellow bodyworkers regarding the dance we call “booking a gay erotic massage.” 

Theoretically, booking a massage is straightforward: browse the massage ads, pick a masseur, make contact, ask for what you want, choose the length of time and cost of the service, pick a time and location that’s good for you both, and then show up to complete the agreement.  

1. Select Masseur

2. Contact Him

3. Ask For What You Want

4. Negotiate Time & Cost

5. Select Date, Time, & Location

6. Show up

It’s only theoretically straightforward because asking for what you want (#3) can be tricky. 

Much of what men want and what many masseurs are willing to offer during an erotic massage is against the law in the United States, so those extra services are tricky for the masseur to advertise and difficult for the client to ask for. 

Personally, I want a real therapeutic massage with both of us naked and an orgasm somewhere in the middle rather than at the end. A bonus is having my ass played with, and something about being on a massage table brings out the hungry bottom in me. So, when I’m looking for a masseur, I’m looking for a guy who might satisfy those wants. 

If you simply want a standard, non-erotic massage, you may be better off going to Burke Williams, Equinox Spa, Wi Spa, or a similar professional spa. For a similar price, you’ll get a certified therapeutic massage and access to amenities like steam rooms, hot tubs, and chilled cucumber water. You won’t find that in most erotic masseur’s apartments. 

The downside of a public spa is that you have no idea what your masseur will look like. You get to select the gender and type of massage (deep tissue, Swedish, shiatsu, etc.…), but you are not given the option to see photos or select him by height, weight, or pretty face. 

The biggest upside of choosing a guy off the internet is the ability to select a guy whose beauty is to your liking. 

So, if you want to be sure you’ll get a specific type of guy to give you a non-sexual therapeutic experience, the sites listed below will make that easy for you. You can just book a length of time at the posted rates, and no further negotiation is necessary. 

Booking an erotic session is more complicated. 

Selecting Your Masseur  

APPS

Websites are the best way to find a non-spa masseur. This is from my perspective in Los Angeles. There may be better websites for Europe and other countries. Here are some of the most popular in Southern California, USA. 

Masseur Finder - Mostly therapeutic non-sexual massage, so you’ll need to take extra care when approaching the topic of erotic massage.
RENT MASSEUR - One great feature of this site is that it lists the kinds of massage the masseur offers: Therapeutic, Sensual, or Erotic. If you become a member, you can see X-rated pictures posted by the masseur.
RENT MEN - This is a sex worker site, but many of these guys offer erotic massage.
Gay Wellness - This is a new site. It’s a bit clunky, and I’ve never used it.
Personal Touch - I just found this today after Googling “gay erotic massage.” I just put it here as an example of news sites frequently popping up. 

Browse the ads, look at the photos, and read the text. 

PHOTOS

This might sound weird, but look into his eyes. Is he gonna give you what you want? 

Humans are hard-wired to predict another person's emotional state and demeanor by looking into their eyes. Use that superpower. Does he look friendly, confident, slutty…? Does he look obstinate and unavailable? Does he look like he hates his job? All of that shows up in a man’s eyes. 

Trust your gut. Don’t try to change your gut’s mind. 

Look at the theme of the pics. Is he posting a lot of torso shots, butt shots, crotch, and cock shots? The more you see of something, like his cute ass or a big dick, the more likely it will be featured during the session. If you don’t see anything erotic, you can expect a non-erotic experience. 

LOCATION

Location is important, especially if you are traveling to him. You don’t want to spend an hour traveling before and after your session. If he’s coming to you, he might charge for travel time. The farther he has to travel, the more it will cost. 

TIP: Masseur Finder has a map view, which lets you see where guys are located on a map of your city. Rent Masseur has “Sort by Distance” and “Map Me” buttons. 

These are very useful when looking for a guy near you. 

It sucks to fall in love with a masseur only to find out he’s a 45-minute drive away. 

RATES

Rates shown are base rates for therapeutic massage, and erotic services usually cost more. However, some guys regularly include something erotic like a tug at the end (or more) in their standard rates, but that won’t be discussed in the ad. 

You can just hope for the best and see what happens but don’t expect anything more than a therapeutic (non-sexual) massage. 

If you are hot yourself, it’s more likely you’ll get erotic services thrown in for free, assuming you booked a masseur who is a fellow homosexual. 

TIP: On Rent Masseur, under the “rate,” some guys post “ASK.” To see what guys are paying the masseur, scroll to the bottom of the page and click on “Read All Reviews of Mr. X.” You will see what guys have paid Mr. X in the past. If you see a wide range of costs for similar session lengths, it’s easy to assume that he has a large menu of options to choose from. 

Contact Him

Text is best. Let me say that again. TEXT IS BEST!

Unfortunately, many guys think that massage ads are free phone sex numbers, and by doing so, they have ruined live conversations for everyone. Masseurs and sex workers get calls that start off sounding like legitimate clients looking to book sessions that turn into long conversations of detailed erotic options that never end and are never booked. The masseur wastes hours of time and endures constant interruptions in his day only to get the other guy off over the phone for free. 

That’s why guys like me and my four-hand massage buddy, who has done this longer than me, will only respond to text messages. 

“You know how many sessions I’ve booked from a phone call,” my buddy Ian said. “Zero! They have all been a waste of time.” 

TIP: Example text: (Making 1st contact)
“Hey, my name is Mike. I saw your ad on Masseur Finder. I would like to book a 90-minute massage.”

DO NOT ask him for any information that is included in his ad. Doing that shows him you don’t respect his time enough to read his well-thought-out ad. That will make him think you’re not serious and just jerking off to a text conversation with a hot masseur.

As a masseur, I also like to receive a photo. Well-built men are prioritized. That’s not fair, but it’s a reality. 

However, as a client, I once included a picture and received a curt email back from the masseur informing me that he only gives “legitimate” massages and that the photo was unnecessary. It was a bit prickly and uncomfortable, but that was good information. He was not a good fit for me. 

Ask For What You Want

We have a lot of trouble asking for what we want—for what we really want. 

That’s because what we really want almost certainly goes against our culture’s sex-negative standard narrative. As we pursue the smoldering, built, sometimes naked men offering services online, horny guys like me are wondering if we will get to shoot a load during our time on the table. Openly desiring that experience goes against our culture’s standard narrative, which tells us pursuing pleasure and sex is bad. And we are even more “bad” when we pay for pleasure and sex. 

That’s bullshit. Pleasure is nice, and sex is good for you. 

Combining pleasure, sex, and money stirs up a lot of powerful energies, including erotic pleasure and culturally induced shame. 

That’s natural. 

Don’t let those feelings stop you. What you’re asking for is perfectly natural: connection, intimacy, and pleasure. It’s good for you. It’s good for the masseur. 

Asking for what you want is vulnerable. It doesn’t feel safe. You’re asking for something culturally taboo. Your own internalized homophobia and sex-negative conditioning are sure to nag at you, making the process uncomfortable. 

Asking for what we want also forces us to take responsibility for what happens during the session. If we ask for it and get it and like it, we are forced to take responsibility for doing really gay stuff and liking it. 

What many of us desire is a porn fantasy where the client doesn’t need to ask for anything erotic or take responsibility for anything that happens sexually. 

It’s a fantasy where your masseur reads your mind, magically knowing you want him to rub his crotch on you, tease your nipples, tease your hole, go down on you, fuck you, fuck him, or whatever the fantasy scenario is, is just that, a FANTASY. 

Unfortunately, our species has not evolved to the place where your fantasies and consent can be transmitted and received telepathically. 

That’s why it’s called a fantasy. It (nearly) never happens in real life. 

Your bodyworker can make fantasies come true. He really can! But he can not read your mind, no matter how intuitive his hands are. 

The key to getting what you want is being willing to ask for it, even though you might not get it. 

Here are my suggestions for doing exactly that. 

TIP: Example text (Asking if erotic sessions are available):
“Hey, my name is Mike. I saw your ad on Rent Masseur. I’m looking for a therapeutic massage, but I'm also wondering if you offer any erotic options?”

Read his text response and believe what he says. If he says he doesn’t offer erotic options, do not push him to do so. 

If he says he offers an erotic option in his ad, ask him what that entails. 

TIP: Example text (Asking for more details about ads with erotic offerings):
“Hey, my name is Mike. I saw your ad on Rent Masseur. Can you please tell me more about your erotic massage?” 

I sometimes also add: “I tend to fall into a sub/bottom headspace during a massage. Can you help me with that?” Is oral and/or penetration included? 

The real pros already have that question answered on a notepad on their phone. They will cut and paste a detailed description of their offerings. 

The shorter your conversation while booking the appointment, the happier your masseur will be. If you help him out with a simple booking, he is more likely to give you a generous session. 

Negotiate Length of Session Time & Cost 

This is pretty straightforward: Type of Service X Length of Session Time = Cost. 

You sorted out what type of service you’ll receive when you asked for what you wanted; now, you need to decide how long of a session you want. 60 and 90-minute session times are the most common, but you can negotiate a session for just about any length, from 30 minutes to “overnight.” 

It is common for the per-hour cost to go down the longer your session is, but that’s totally up to the masseur. 

He will most likely include his rates when describing the types of sessions he provides. If he does not, just ask him. 

TIP: Example text (Asking for how much it will cost)
“What are your rates?” or “What are your rates for an erotic massage?” 

Examples: 

Massage Rates (Thereputic):
60 min = $200
90 min = $275
120 min = $350

Massage Rates (Erotic):
60 min = $245
90 min = $350
120 min = $450

If the masseur is coming to you, expect a travel or “out-call” fee/rate fee. 

An “out-call” is when your masseur travels to you, and it is common for him to add a fee for this. Traveling to you takes more of his time and is much more of a hassle than setting up in his own home. The out-call rate may be a flat fee, or he may require that you send him an Uber, Lyft, or some other rideshare transportation. 

Select Date, Time of Day, & Location

LOCATION

At this point, it’s appropriate to ask for a specific address. 

Since location is tied to cost, you’ve probably already sorted this out. If not, keep fees in mind when deciding between an in-call or an out-call.

Keep in mind that his location may include things he won’t travel with, like hot towels, mood lighting, a better sound system, mirrors, and general massage setting ambiance. 

PARKING

This is a major concern tied to location in cities like Los Angeles. Go ahead and ask about the parking options. 

TIP: Parking information
“Can you please tell me about the parking options?” 

DATE, TIME OF DAY

Most masseurs post their working hours online. Pay attention and ask for a massage during their normal working hours. 

If their hours are not posted, just ask: “When are you normally available?” 

TIP: Ask for the specific time you want your massage.
“Is there any chance you’re available right now for a 90-minute massage?” (This assumes you are texting during their posted working hours.)
“When are you next available for a 90-minute session?“
“Do you have time for a 90-minute massage tomorrow at 10 AM?” 

The more in advance you book your session, the more likely you are to get the date, time, and length of session that you desire. 

Want a massage RIGHT NOW? You’re in luck. RentMasseur and MasseurFinder both have an “Available Now” setting for masseurs. Just look for the words AVAILABLE NOW in green on either app. 

Show Up & Paying

SHOW UP

I’ve had very few “no-show” guys who just didn’t show up for their sessions, but it’s happened. I set that time aside, got my body and massage room set up, lit the candles, and then sat and waited, only to be ignored by the guy who set up the session. 

That type of callus disregard for my humanity is reminiscent of hearing “faggot” yelled at me from a car while walking in West Hollywood, and the time I came home to find my place had been robbed. There is nothing to be done about it except to move on and do your best not to let that affect your self-worth. It produces anger, doubt, and humiliation.  

Please don’t do that. 

Instead, be on time or about five minutes early, but no earlier than five minutes early. 

Right before your session, your masseur will prepare the space and his body for your arrival. Showing too early can easily throw off that procedure. 

If you are late, that time will most likely come out of your session. If your 60-minute massage was scheduled for 1:00 PM and you show up at 1:15 PM, you can expect the massage to end at 2:00 PM as scheduled.  

PAYING YOUR MASSEUR

Payment is usually made at the end of the session, but I love the guys who pay (and tip) before the massage starts. Paying at the beginning moves any awkwardness about payment to the beginning of the session when things are already awkward, so the ending is just sweet hugs and thank yous.  

Cash was always my favorite way to get paid, but payments of any kind are welcome. Most masseurs accept Venmo, Zelle, and PayPal. Many can now process credit cards. Feel free to ask the masseur if he takes your preferred payment method. 

Tips are welcome and will endear you to the masseur, but not required. 

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That was soooo much longer than I thought it would be. If you have any more questions about this topic, feel free to ask in the comments section.